But this giant web isn't physical. So this spider isn't physical either, but that doesn't mean this spider doesn't exists. The internet spider is a postmodern hero. But how much physical space does the internet take up? There are a lot of ways to estimate the amount of information stored on the internet, but we can put an interesting upper bound on the number just by looking at how much storage space we (as a species) have purchased.
The storage industry produces in the neighborhood of 650 million hard drives per year. If most of them are 3.5” drives, then that’s eight liters (two gallons) of hard drive per second.
This means the last few years of hard drive production—which, thanks to increasing size, represent a large chunk of global storage capacity—would just about fill an oil tanker. So, by that measure, the internet is smaller than an oil tanker. That’s right. The world’s biggest, proudest, and most important invention, fills up a parking lot, so long as it has a banner that says caution oversized load. Which is kinda ironic considering this is the whole world’s hard drives. Or if you have a banner that says caution undersized load you could fly anywhere you want. Come steal the world web. It isn’t that hard if you have a big truck.
If someone stole the web (probably Santa, seeing as he goes through everyone’s house while they’re asleep) then the virtual spider could theoretically make another one right? Well I don’t know, but the spider took 1,958 years scene the birth of the current calendar to make it. So we’d have to wait around as the thief helps himself and his/her family for a long time. We can’t send a military operation because valuable hard drive could be broken. And we can't document the attack. If Santa ware to go around stealing the internet and boycotting it at the pole, he'd instantly be considered a genius in my book, because if you could get away with anything while having billions of children loving you, you can’t lose. You can clear your record when you give away a toy car or something. He even takes requests. (I admire a clever scam in case you couldn't tell) I should convert over the winter holidays then go back so I can worship my newfound hero.
The 10 commandments of the internet are as follows:
Ø Thou shalt tell a lie on the internet.
Ø If you don’t upload a cat video during your existence, you won’t go to internet heaven.
Ø Thou shall use the internet for stupid purposes.
Ø Trust the internet. It is trustworthy no matter what your teacher tells you.
Ø The internet god is the virtual spider and thou shall worship it. Those who don’t worship virtual spider deserve what they get on the internet (scam or cyberbullying)
Ø Bing sucks. Use Google.
Ø Thou shall attempt to use the internet in the smallest item possible (phone, not desk top)
Ø Thou shalt use the internet to spread fear in a population. If thou does (North Korea) then thou shall be punished by the spider god
Ø Skynet is good. Thou shalt go back in time to stop it being created.
Ø Sexting is not illegal, but come on, thou should not sext. (I’m mostly speaking to one gender here)
Notice that all of these are actually commands unlike the biblical “10 commandments” so take this time to readjust your religious views now. If you want to coexist happily with the web, you must follow these rules. The internet god will look after you so long as you use it responsibly. It may feel strange to have a non-physical spider watch you, but if you think about it you web-cam watches you sleep every night so if you are ok with that you should have no problem.
Buying things on the internet is also really helpful. It gives you options that you may find otherwise, but at ridicules measures. Whereas the internet gives you the product at your doorstep. Is there a downside? How about not knowing whether or not the product is a scam or not. If it isn't what it says it is, you already gave away your money. There are trustworthy sites that give you what you think you are looking for. I buy stuff from these good sites.
The internet is a good place to blow off steam. Say you had a bad day and you need a virtual stress ball. The American right wing party gives you plenty of people who you could laugh/yell at/mock. The internet is a playground for idiots. It’s super easy to search up some of them making it a playground for the smart and comedic. Everyone wins on the internet except those who try to fix everything wrong on the internet. I really don’t know why those people struggle. The internet says you can’t tell a lie on it. This information of course comes from the internet, and should be regarded in whatever way you feel necessary.
If you download music and/or videos on your mobile devise, youre stupid. Just use YouTube. There’s watch/listen to those and save your storage space for apps. Simply get online and watch/listen to what you want. The people who make mobile devises (especially the only music ones) will hate me, but they can post their complaints on the web for all I care. Just add to my reasons for making fun of the internet. But if you have decent cell coverage, it’s a wise idea, no matter what the guy who sells you the devise tells you. (I myself am stupid by my own standards so don't feel bad if you collect music)
Once you have internet, as the 11th commandment would have gone (I guess this also goes under stupid purposes) make a social media account because supposedly everyone has one. Join the bandwagon here and make an account with all your personal stuff on it. Once your profile is established and everyone can see who you are, typically, one either over uses it, or never comes back to it.
Nation, (now that I’m done rambling about stuff you should probably already know) we need to adopt some form of worship to the spider god as a whole. Just as England joined together and made their own religion, I propose that we adopt some form of regulation of the internet to keep the god pleased. He gave us his web and we've abused that gift. The least we can do is set regulations to our global source of connection. The people who take advantage of the oil tank sized world internet are awesome, but they do need to be stopped never-the-less. (Unless it’s me.)
So remember: Peace, Love, and the Virtual Spider.
The nerd ranter, Q-Ball